almost over you

I have been thwarted by cupid again. Well, it was six whole months ago now, but I needed that long to digest it. Which isn’t to say I’m over it. How pathetic is that at the six month mark?
It’s remarkable how emotion can really take over my entire existence. It’s also frightening to me that emotion has no attachment to my intellect, as my intellect usually has a really good grip on things and it would be awesome if some of it would transfer to my destroyed emotion organ, whatever that is in biological terms.
My intellect reminds me that you weren't the right one anyway, that you didn't understand the way I think or feel. My intellect reminds me that you were wrong and you did horrible things and that I should hate you. But I don't.
Because with all my many shortcomings, I am consistently and predictably kind. That was what drew you to me. And now, it is what prevents me from hating you for all the lies. The last lie was the hardest to take, by the way. What was the point?
Whatever lesson it was that you needed to learn from me, I hope it is learned now. I hope you don’t do this again. I hope you remember the pain on my face. I hope you don’t let yourself off the hook for causing it. I hope you take responsibility and actually change, instead of just talking about it. I hope you’re okay.
I hope some of my kindness rubbed off.
I hope you leave me alone.
jasmine