this too shall pass...right?

March 9, 2005
I’ve been trying to reconcile with myself for years. It’s like trying to remain friends with your ex when the new girlfriend hates you, only harder. I have made some painfully poor decisions in my life, let me tell you. My mom thinks she’s somehow responsible; she tries to figure out where she went wrong, where society played a role, and overall what it was that caused her child to be unmotivated, unloved, and unsuccessful. I can’t believe I have caused such a struggle for her…this is the time when I should be giving my parents plane tickets to Rome for Christmas. They should be enjoying their lives unhindered by their flailing, failing child.
I could fill a week with the things I could do here, but there is no urgency to any of it, and so I do none of it. At this point, the list of people who could justifiably tear a strip off of me is long enough that I am running out of hiding places and must resort to lying in plain sight, feigning dead. This is not a challenging feat, however, as I feel quite suited to my current pastime.
And tonight, I will pull it all together and go to a scrap booking party, where I will be expected to spend money that I do not have.
Sweet goodness and light, what fun that will be.