On 8331 Days...

WOW, to be a day old again and know everything, to have all the answers we are born with and lose in the chaos somewhere along the way. Oh, for clarity and peace of mind. To really BELIEVE that old cliché that everything will work out in the end. What end? When we're dead? Is that comforting? Is it all about what we get when we're done, finished? What the hell ever happened to "it's the journey, not the destination?" This journey hurts my feet and my head and most of all my heart and I don't care how good the destination is, I want to see something really amazing and wonderful on my journey. NOW! Please? All the cliches jumble together in my head. Is it in the stars or is it looking a gift horse in the mouth? Is it about fighting fate or accepting it? Should I fight for what I truly want and believe in or am I fighting to find something to truly believe in and just grasping at straws along the path of confusion? Oh, to have somebody hand me a fish so I could make shoes and walk a mile. Where is the man with no feet? Quick! Give him some slippers and maybe nobody will notice. Band-Aid the problem and turn a blind eye! And what became of the man who placed his trust in the universe and gave up his riches to become more soulful? Here's a better question- where are those goddamn riches he gave up? Were they wasted in pennies to an establishment that would have survived quite prosperously without them? Were they handed to a man who already had the riches and just wanted more? Were they granted to someone in real need? What of those riches, I ask you? If I had money to spare I would give it freely to people like me: people who work and trust and have faith and try and cry and wait and trust and never seem to find the way off the beaten path that causes (let's face it, all of us) so much pain and fear. Today I traded a five dollar bill to a man in return for a penny that I threw in a fountain after making a wish for my pipe dream to come true. Maybe the reality is that that man will spend his five dollars on an overpriced alcoholic beverage in an over crowded bar and then go to that fountain and reclaim his penny and laugh at my naivete. Will the universe repay him for this gesture? Will the universe recognize mine? Will I recognize myself somewhere along the way and will I like what I see? Maybe I will be better off believing that the man bought two sandwiches with the money and gave one to a stranger and then went to the fountain and threw in his own penny and made a wish. Maybe he made a wish for me.